Create the Space You Deserve
Jill Butler is the author of the wonderful and delightful book “Create The Space You Deserve”. While the title may make you think it’s a book about decorating your home, it’s not. Through beautiful artwork and her own design ideas, she guides you to create that special space for yourself where you feel freedom and joy. I spoke with Jill about her book and how single women who are buying a home solo might perceive it.
“There are those who totally get the book and then there are those who go ‘huh, this isn’t a decorating book?’ And I say to myself, well, it wasn’t intended to be a decorating book. It’s about you, sister. If you want help, which we all need, whether it’s from the Realtor or the designer; I used help. But I’m not going to tell you what color to paint your bookshelves. I’m not going to tell you where to put your chair.”
While interviewing other women who’ve bought their home solo, I’ve made some interesting observations. I talked to a woman from immigrant parents, third generation, but the first one to ever buy their own home in that family. I also interviewed a woman whose mother was single and they’ve moved eight times, before her mother could buy a home of her own.
Many women who came from similar backgrounds, when they reached their late 20?s, or early 30?s, it became a burning passion to buy their first home and have their special space. And then there’s this whole flock of women who are in midlife, not first-time home buyers, but they’re going through a life change such as death of a spouse, or a separation and divorce. They’re not first-time home buyers, but they’re first time solo home buyers looking for their own space.
Jill spoke to this being a very different experience because now they get to do it the way that they want. “What is their voice telling them? And are they open to listening to their own voice. That’s probably the salient point. You’re single, but are you in fact listening to your own voice? Because we listen to our girlfriends, our lawyers, our ex-husbands voices running through our head. Are we really listening?”
In my real estate practice I have noticed some older women who aren’t as financially savvy as the younger women. They’ve been dependent and they’re having to figure out the whole finance thing on top of being single. They know what they want, they know what they can afford, they do not want to overspend, they would in fact rather under spend as well as have a home that’s not going to require a lot of maintenance.
There’s more fiscal responsibility on the part of women than on the part of single men who aren’t even thinking about that kind of stuff. It’s just all about commitment. It filters right into buying a house. The men think, “I might as well rent for another few years”. And the women say, “No, I’m throwing away all this money”. A lot of them buy with a potential partner in mind and thinking about what they could do with the home when or if that happens. A lot of them were exploring, “Is this a viable rental unit?” as well.
I asked Jill for her take on single women creating their own space. Did she think there are certain emotional issues single women face in terms of buying a home and creating the special space they want. What are their hot buttons?
Jill sees it as an age thing and if they’ve been slammed by a divorce, then there’s a huge emotional recovery there that has to happen. “My own experience, and those who I’ve talked to in my interviews, they have a crying need for healing. They believe the house will eventually happen. But in the meantime, there is this process of getting to the place where they can heal in the safe home they’ve created, the process itself is part of the healing. If it’s a divorce situation, there comes a point of ‘I don’t know’ and the asking for help is a huge piece, which is empowering because we women are so independent.
“We maybe haven’t learned that we have to ASK. Not just to ask you, the expert, but to really go inside; that’s the spiritual asking. That’s why I strongly suggest in my book the writing and then get into the meditation and the prayer and to understand even the law of attraction. As I think I create. I can feel still the blowback. I’m a pretty strong gal, but having come back from France, married for 16 years to Mr. Big Deal with the big check book, even though I had been in business in New York and had a major company and all that jazz. Now I’m 16 years having been under the check book, with the guy, and now I have to reinvent my life and my financial world. How am
I going to do that?”
We talked about the factor of trust and how big it is. It starts with the exterior trust in the advisers who you surround yourself with, such as the Realtor and the lender. For some women, who have been badly burned, the trust is difficult to build. And sometimes they never trust. So it really depends. It’s critical to have that trust to successfully buy a home.
Jill described the process on how she went about buying a home of her own. “What I did, which I think is a really great thing to have done for me and my process, is I spent time writing down what I wanted. This is what is going to make me feel safe. I want a small property. I want to be able to maintain it. I want to be able to put my own twist to it so if it needs some renovation or work, I’m willing to do that. Some people are comfortable with that, others are not. I’m totally cool with doing some work on it.
“I made a very serious want list and I kept editing it until it was the list of the things I wanted. And I asked my agent not to show me anything that doesn’t qualify on this list. Don’t waste my time or yours. These are the towns that I want to live in. Here’s a wonderful word to use: rightsizing. Rightsizing is very positive, where downsizing feels like you have to get out of perhaps a larger marital home to go live in this little cottage. I’ve never been happier.”
Jill’s focus is about empowering women to create a safe and beautiful nest for themselves at any age. Her book “Create The Space You Deserve”. helps you find your why. You can read more about Jill Butler on her website: http://jillbutler.com or email her at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. You may also enjoy this video from her website.
EnJOY and blessings,
All artwork courtesy of Jill Butler Designs
